Heroes of subconscious

How do you define heroism? Of course, we have people in armed forces on one side and national statesmen and women on the other. But how do you define heroism to somebody who is on the unknown journey of self-discovery? Well, you can say, what does she mean by that because self-journey is a stage of life when you are pursuing to be in control of your individuality, your dreams, and your passions. How can one show heroism on your greatest odyssey? The key word here is “unknown”, sometimes people get onto a journey with an inkling conscious but sometimes they don’t know if they are on a long haul.

Well, I don’t want people to tell me to chant the hymns of positivity because that never happens, I want them to share ideas and experiences, where they have fought adversities and beyond their scrutinizing metamorphosis they had a silver lining of a realization that bam! they have just discovered something about themselves.

If you are one of them come and tell me those stories, motivate me, I need to hear it more than ever.

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Drill Dream

I am running towards the finishing line and just at that final moment when I feel I have touched it, somebody pulls me back, push me down or the line increases its distance. 

I want to hold a piece of gold in my hand, everybody else is already clutching it tightly in their hands but I am just unable to even grab it and lock it in my claws. 

Turns out my dreams are always filled with incomplete, half-baked ambitions and turns out it is also becoming my reality. I get up with regrets and I sleep with an easy achievement. It is now like a drill and I feel accustomed to it.

 

 

Vaccum

Have you noticed a small, minuscule thread hanging in the air as if the room is a vacuum box? No strings attached to the ceiling, it’s just there tirelessly hanging.

Maybe you didn’t notice… It is so tiny, so petite and moreover, in the vacuum, the thread which is hanging, is just oxygen for us.

To be raised by a Taurean mother. 

My account of having a Taurean mother:
To be raised by a Taurean mother,

Never, they try to cut short your undying verve,

But to question them, is to get these stubborn moms onto your nerves.

To be raised by a Taurean mother,

Kind, vigorous, independent

What they said, yes sir, that’s what they meant.

To be raised by a Taurean mother,

Charming, distinctive, worldly wise

Beware, they are pretty rigid and strictly, nice.

They don’t mince their words to make a pretty rhyme,

If they don’t like it, manipulation is a definitely a waste of time.

Oh and how skilful,

How sure of everything,

You want your favourite dish,

There, at a wink!

Society doesn’t influence them so much,

Nothing questions their maternal benevolence and the visceral touch,

But when oh dear lord when, they get in their Taurean righteousness mode,

Stay silent and just nod!

To be raised by a Taurean mother,

Who herself is placid yet passionate,

Even so, being a single child,

Doesn’t guarantee of you being her favourite.

Alice in absurdity.

Albert Camus in The Myth of Sisyphus says that the absurd is born of the confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world. So, if I draw a parallel of this theory and Lewis Caroll’s Alice in the wonderland then is it safe to say that Alice had to go back to absurdism each time to find a meaning in her life? Alice’s recklessness came from the virtue of finding the inherent meaning of her existence which she couldn’t discover in the real world but a world constructed by her pristine imagination.

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I have always questioned my meaning of existence? Well is it to be a successful human being in all regards of a life’s milestones or is to be a hero of somebody else’s world? Is it to be correct or is it to be true? And, what is the meaning of correct? Why are we supposed to believe in the theory of someone else’s correctness? To lead on a path do we really need a destination? Some literature genius says, ” No, it is all about the journey you and not about the destination”.

I guess Beckett will meet me somewhere and help me with my dilemma or maybe push me into one.

 

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This picture was taken by me at Shakespeare&Company-Paris on 07-08-2017

 

It is something

I
like when
the music happens like this:

Something in Her eyes grabs hold of a
tambourine in
me,

Then I turn and lift
a violin in someone else,
and they turn, and this turning continues,

It has reached you now.
Isn’t that something?

~ Rumi
( Isn’t that something ? )

A vicious phenomenon – Sexism at work place. 


In my first interview post marriage break, the interviewer asked me if I’ll be able to balance my new conjugal affair with the late night hardships of advertising. To that I said yes ofcourse, I love advertising and my husband supports my passion. After the interview I was cheery of it going well but suddenly a thought intrigued me and made me feel a bit uncomfortable. It was the interviewers question of balancing my new marriage with work. It sounded as if the interviewer was trying to empathise with he situation but then I did not need it. I didn’t even thought about it. I thought my exuberance towards work and gritty skill sets will be enough to prove my worthiness. But I was wrong because now I have entered the realm of ‘benevolent sexism’, which is the worst and in many ways inevitable form of it. 

I have been openly asked about my future plans. No, not my career goals but my plans of having a kid. The funny part is that the  question is asked more by my interviewers than by my mother or mother-in-law.

 Even after so many societal advancements, people still need to accept a woman’s change of relationships and that it doesn’t effect the work or her thought process in anyway. The never ending tests of proving a woman’s potential in all spheres of life is displeasing. Eacpecially if the benevolent sexism comes from a woman. We are all supposed to be in it together and not pretentiously take sides. 

What can be done? Well the important question which requires an answer from the industry influencer and decision makers. These critical decisions cannot be just left in a hunky-dory. It’s time to introduce some strict norms  for prosperity of a married woman. Because our career path doesn’t change when we walk the aisle or our our career doesn’t die when a kid is born.

I read somewhere that in a span of 30 years of a woman’s career, the only real break comes when she gets pregnant and that too has been calculated to be around 9 months to 1 year. Now with that fact how can we determine the course of the balance 29 years? Lets face it, men get married and have kids too. 

Although with some top notch companies making amendments in woman policy is no doubt making good strides but it’s just a beginning and we need to up our work culture yardsticks for a married woman. 

Let’s not question a woman’s ambitions. 

I came to you

There were days when I wished for solidarity,There were days when I yearned for companionship

There were days when I rose from my own bruises,

And there were days when the wounds did not stop bleeding.

There were days when I closed my eyes with colors flowing in my retina,

There were days when I wanted to carve my whining on an elm.

The courage to live, the wish to love … 

The soldier and the scholar arose and brought me to you 

where life seems like a mad man

Far from the normal glance, but that undying spunk to face the impulsive avalanche.

Evolution 

One more recent incident from my overspeeding cab which made me smile : the cabby asked me whether I live in a ladies PG. To which I said no, I don’t but the curious me popped another question ‘why do u ask Bhaiyya?’ To which he said very proudly and in his Kanddiga accent ‘Madam, actually, my sister works in Wipro, engineer u know, I want a PG for her. Payment she can do but the PG should be nice madam. Madam, she bought me this taxi’ …. loan she took loan for me’I could see the immense pride on his tired, wrinkly face. Tears in his eyes. I realised that I myself had some drops rolling down my cheeks. Turns out I have already reached my place. 

#girlsarenotresponsibilities

The era of terror. 

So what is our fight against terrorism? The common bandwagon, the general public, the enthusiasts, people who write long posts on Facebook, men in their mid 40s discussing world problems over a cup of tea?? Honestly all of us. What is the protocol for us? 

What is terrorism? Who are these terrorists? Are they even terrorists or just some delinquent youth blindfolded in the name of religion in exchange of some petty amount. 

Let’s take example of Kasab. The became an evil because he was promised that his poor family will be taken care of. Saw a documentary the other day most of these guys carry out such grotesque acts because they are either promised money or Allah!

But returning back to my question how should us the commoners can help stopping it? 

Not by changing my formatting my display picture on fb!